The Great Rock Sell out

It's a bad photo.  I had to take it with my phone. I was holding the 'few things' I had popped into Coles for.  People thought I was a bit nuts, juggling toilet paper, 3 litres of milk, cat food, tim tams (yeah, I fell for the special ploy), broccolini (what we used to throw out as underdeveloped/bolted broccoli heads when we were growers, they now market and sell), Bonds socks - three pack and tonic water - to try and then, with arms full, (really should have got a basket) to try and take a picture.

What was it that made me carry out such madness?

Status Quo.

Once, they were cool.  Long haired, hard rockers.  I would bet my arm full of shopping that they had done their fair share of groupies, Jack Daniels and white powder in their time.

Now they are sad old men, trying to make a bit of money by selling out their famous hit to Coles.

There, at the checkout, you could buy the CD of Status Quo singing Down, down, prices are down for $10!

That's why I had to take the photo!  No-one would have believed me otherwise. 

The Actual Art Review

Well we established in my last post here that Strawb and I were found out as art frauds.  But after you have read this review of all 14 artists that were part of the Picasso to Warhol : 14 Modern Masters you can be the judge. 
 
The exhibition is from New York's Museum of Modern Art - and I guess that should have given us a clue ... modern.  One thing to keep in mind here ... they ALL went to Paris to study art.  Does anyone else think junket?  Anyone?  The fact that Montmartre - the Artists Quarter is not very far from The Moulin Rouge is no coincidence <wink>
 
Henri Matisse
 
OK, so lets start with this guy.  Now I know he was famous for his use of colours but COME on .. his colouring in technique is pretty awful! I mean, in some parts he has even coloured outside the lines.  I don't think he has even bothered to sharpen his pencils properly.  And I bet he chews the ends.

Goldfish and Sculpture, spring-summer 1912

Constantin Brancusi
 
OK.  So he carved this in oak.  And left marks from the axe and saw.  And this is version 1 of how many attempts?  Ummm .. sorry dude but I have seen this many times in pioneer houses, their fences, hell even Mr K has been known to do this to a fence post.  I don't know what this one is worth but one of his lesser known 'sculptures' sold for 37.1 million DOLLARS!  Mr K!  Start up the chainsaw, we is going to make us some money ...

Endless Column, version I, 1918

Piet Mondrian
 
Looks like he was as imaginative with his painting as he was with naming it!  I don't know why, but when I see this I think test pattern.  At least he coloured in inside the lines!

Composition No. II, with Red and Blue1929

Fernand Léger
 
Now this one, I kind of liked.  I must say though, I can see why these guys were artists and not writers ... they lack any imagination with words.  Woman with a Book?  What about the flowers and the funky necklace?  And the way her hair is swept to one side, and how her face is, well, bored.

Woman with a Book, 1923

Marcel Duchamp
 
Really?!  This was the best he could come up with?  He didn't even have a broken arm at the time, it was just an advance on one!  This was hanging in the centre of the gallery.  Numbskull's were walking around it in hushed tones, their hand stroking their chins in deep thought!  It's a bloody SHOVEL guys ... sheesh, come look in my garden shed and I will show you a whole range of them.  I will even hang them by fishing line in a decorative way.  For a price!

In Advance of the Broken Arm, August 1964

Giorgio De Chirico

I feel like I have fallen down the rabbit hole and there isn't even a cute fluffy white rabbit or mad hatter to save me.  Oh .. hang on, this might be one of those concentration games.  You have to to memorise whats there and then they take away a few things and you have to recall it.  Pfft, he isn't even trying ... there are only 5 main things there.  And whats 'love' got to do with it?

The Song of Love, Paris, June-July 1914

Joan Miró

Words fail me on this one.  Was the RSPCA informed?

Person Throwing a Stone at a Bird, 1926

Alexander Calder

This was a mobile.  It was inspired by Piet Mondrian.  Seems both artists have the same issues with naming their art.  It looks like a prototype of Gumby and Pokey with a few block heads thrown in.

Untitled, 1939

Louise Bourgeois

I think they now call this Shabby Chic.  Nice use of colour but I don't think my CD's will all fit in there.

Figure, 1954

Jasper Johns

Again, whats with the bad colouring in?  His teacher would be hard pressed to give him a green star for this, let alone a gold one.  When I was at school, we were taught to colour carefully around the land and shade the sea with a soft blue.  And where are the rivers marked?  Calls himself a cartologist!  Then there is the title.  Whats with these lazy gits?  Map?  Of what?  Fail.

Map, 1961

Jackson Pollock

Freeform?  You have got to be kidding?  I have a painting drop sheet that looks better than this. 

Free Form, 1946

Romare Bearden

If you look real close to this, at the top right corner, there is a piece of material that is just like a skirt Strawb once had.  Her Mum has cut that up too to make a quilt.

Patchwork Quilt, 1970

Pablo Picasso

Ok.  Now we are getting to the REALLY famous artists.  It will all get better from here on.  Yes, the colouring in is better, the title is more imaginative, umm ...  was LSD around in 1930?  Maybe it was a warning poster for the dangers of anorexia?

Seated Bather, early 1930

Andy Warhol

And saved the best (or worst) for last! Come on!  Who the hell fell for this?  Lazy git didn't even get out his crayons.  Just ripped labels off soup cans and stuck them on a wall.  Granted, he did find every version of soup that Campbell's made, but if he was a poor struggling artist then he pretty much would have lived off tinned soup.  I have seen playgroup kids do similar stuff and the only acclaim their art gets, is stuck on the fridge with a magnet.

Campbell's Soup Cans, 1962

Well, I hope I have saved you the $19 entry fee to the art gallery to see this tripe.  If you want an outing this weekend, I am holding an exhibition in my shed ... rolling out the painting drop sheet, hanging a few garden tools, carving a fence post or two.  No charge people - free art for the people!

Strawb & Jago - The Great Art Review

Well it was that time of the month again last Friday.  No, not THAT time of the month, the time when Strawb and Jago hit the streets of Perth for a fun day out.  It was my turn to pick and organise and I was really excited about this one as I had this jaunt in mind the very first time we started this little project, in January! But I was scared it would be like when you have a plan all mapped out and you have imagined in your head how you think it should go (complete with misty mood lighting, skinny jeans and a handsome waiter), then things don’t quite go to that plan and you have two choices :

1. get all spoilt brat like and pout and whine and make people and places be how you want them to be or
2. say, hang it all, go with the flow and find the nearest bar to have a whine wine in.

We chose #2.  But first lets set the scene of what I had in mind ...

He was just a waiter, but those intense grey eyes and handcuffs hanging from his jeans told a different story .... oh. Hang on, sorry, that was my dream last night after the 50 Shades re-cap yesterday. (Read Here) Damn.  Ok.  Here is the Art Gallery fantasy.  He was just the art curator, but those intense grey ... tricked ya! 

Her

Me

 


Art Gallery.  Take 3.  We would be all Bohemian and wear flowing skirts and leather sandals.  The start of the day would be chai latte and some witty banter, soft laughter, dusty sunlight.  Our wooden jewellery would rattle as we motioned languidly to make a point.  We would smile knowingly at each other, like we knew it all and the others in the art gallery coffee shop didn't.  We would take the Picasso to Warhol tour, and stand back at seven different angles and 3 different planes and nod and go ah ah like we 'got' what the artists were saying.  Then a nod and a wan smile to each other, as we got what each other got.  A lot of gotting, getting done?

No words needed to be spoken, the art was a conversation all its own.  Afterwards we would have lunch, duck salad with crisp SSB.  We would say artistic things to each other like 'I think Warhol set out to challenge the idealist visions and personal emotions conveyed by abstraction" or something to that effect.  We would air kiss at the end of the day and she would jump on the back of her boyfriends Triumph and I would walk to my inner city apartment to have dinner with my ten cats.

Whoa Betsy.  Hold on there.  Got a bit carried away in art fantasy land.

So how did it really go?

Strawb got lost.  Which was entirely expected.  By both of us.  I must say however, this poor direction lark of hers may be a ruse ... she ended up at the Moon and Sixpence when she should have been at the city train station.  Me thinks she knows EXACTLY where she is going :-)  I had to bring her in to land via phone and directions past the Green Cactus.  We were both in need of what the Moon and Sixpence specialises in by this time, but it was only 10am.  Coffee would have to do. It was good coffee but crap bruscetta. 

The 'Green Cactus' - a million dollar folley

I presented Strawb with a few surprises.  One was we could go and check out the touring Picasso to Warhol : 14 Modern Masters exhibition.  She liked that idea.  The second was when I pulled out two cartridge books, and two pencil cases with a 2B pencil, rubber and sharpener and to sweeten the deal, musk lifesavers.  The idea was to get all inspired after looking at the art and go and do some sketches ourselves. She didn't like that idea so much. Tough titties - I had bought the stuff and we were going to use it.

The review of the actual art warrants a whole blog post of its own.  Which I will do shortly - stay tuned.  All you need to know for now is this - getting the silly girl giggles in a very posh art gallery is not good form.  Especially when there is a tag team of security guards watching you breathe.  Especially when you are the wrong side of 45 and should know better.   It took us all of 30 minutes to see the entire collection and we really did try to look at the paintings in seven different angles and on three different planes and it still looked ridiculous (as did we).  We tried to be Boho and Ahhh and Ohhh and smile wanly, but hey, who the hell were we kidding?

We were art frauds.

So we went and had lunch.  Authentic Thai. Urbanspoon rated this place 4.5 spoons but we were a tad disappointed.  Especially when we found out it wasn't licenced and the nearest bottle shop was the Brass Monkey.  So we ate up quick and headed there. 

True to our word, we did do some art.  We bought takeaway coffee (loved the little coffee box) and sat on the steps outside the Alexander Library and created (what we consider) better art than any Picasso (without the use of LSD) and Warhol (we actually got out our pencils and DREW something).

Strawb reckons she has got an appointment with the Art Gallery curator next week to take her sketch of the arches in.  That's why I cant share her masterpiece here.  You will see it soon enough on the walls of the gallery.

My masterpiece? ... see for yourself.

For further installments of the monthly Strawb/Jago days check these out:

Day # 2
 
Day # 3