Overcoming Perfectionism

I got my first assignment back on Saturday. I had been waiting, dreading, waiting, dreading it. I was disappointed with the result - 13/20 - but can honestly say I deserved it and with hindsight, it's more than I should have got. It's still a credit, but that damn little perfectionist voice in my head wanted no less than 20/20. Which is nearly impossible at Uni, especially in the arts.

A battle has raged in my head since that day, but now we have a truce. My first knee-jerk reaction was to give all this up, declare myself a loser, berate my stupidity, tell myself who was I kidding to ever think I could do this. It was a blow for sure, but realism has to be allowed to play the game too. 

So, this is what I learnt (after a good talking to myself):

• It was my first assignment attempted for over 10 years. I am bound to be rusty
• I am here to learn - no point getting a perfect score - means I know it all
• There is plenty of margin to improve
• I have learnt where my weakness's are, and where I need to put energy to improve
• 13/20 is not a failure
• Analytical essays are tricky at the best of times.
• I need to work hard at my technical side of writing - that's what let me down, my ideas and argument where well received.
• I need to use less comma's (my lecturers comment!)

I have a new assessment due on 3rd May. I have done a lot of the research and notes, ready to write a draft today. Then the hard work of editing - this is where writers really earn their keep.

I feel good about this - I overcame my natural tendency to give up when things are not perfect. Maybe I am growing up at last!

Hey! I won a Myers Gift Voucher today

I was really excited today, I was given a gift voucher for $50.00.  I got a phone call and when I answered the lovely young lady with a funny American accent told me.

"Congratulations Mrs Ford (I am not Mrs Ford, but for a $50 gift voucher I was keeping that quiet) you have won gift voucher for Coles/Myers for $50.00. PLUS (she said in a very upbeat tone) you have gone into draw for $1000 prize!"

My lucky day.  

She started to ramble off what I had to do to go into the prize draw, but I am no gambler, and I thought I would just take the prize I had already won and leave it at that.  Share the luck around, someone else could go into the draw for the chance at $1000.  I told Ms Lovely American Voice

"That's ok, just send me the Myers voucher.  Are you going to post it to me?"

She said 'Excuse Mrs Ford' (it was a American accent with Asian inflection).  I repeated my question about if they were going to post my prize.  

She laughed, nervously.  "Oh No Mrs Ford, you have to take survey first"

"Huh?"  I was crest fallen.  "So I didn't win the voucher?  You are not going to post it to me?"

"Yes, yes.  You win voucher."

"Good" I said relieved, "then you will need my address to post it to?"

"Mrs Ford ..." (I was now getting a little miffed at being called Mrs Ford and as I knew exactly why she used that name I was suspecting this was a scam!  Nooo.  Really?)  Twelve years ago, the phone number we have now, belonged to a Mrs Ford.  So I know that anyone who calls asking for her is using a VERY old data base.

I cut her off mid-sentence and stopped playing with the poor girl.

"Well if you are not going to post the prize I just won, I don't think I want to talk to you anymore." (Yeah, what a sore loser I am)

She tried hard to re-engage me, but my heart was broken.

I hung up, sad and deflated.  Dreams of what I would spend at Myers, or even Coles, flashed before my eyes. $50 of Lindt!!

I know this was a mean way to deal with telemarketers, but we get, on average, 2 or 3 of these calls a DAY!  I should know better than to answer the phone, normally I let it go to voice mail, but I am sick of having to avoid real phone calls because of these scammers.  I swore at one the other day, and it made me feel bad.  I had just hung up from one moments before.  The phone had gone flat so I put it on the charger, which is at the other end of the house.  Plonked in my chair, had a tiny sip of my tea, didn't even have time to say 'ahh' and the phone rang.  Thinking it can't possibly be another sales call so soon, assuming it must be a real phone call, I rushed off to answer it.  

Yep.  You guessed it.

"Hello Mrs Ford?"  

I am sorry, I cant actually repeat what I said next.  It would be bleeped out.

Tim Winton - you Rock!!

I feel like my child has just won the honour awards at school.  I am bursting with pride!

Yeah, a bit weird of an analogy, but stay with me here.

My all time, ever, favourite author, Tim Winton, took out #1 place in the ABC's First Tuesday Bookclub's 10 Aussie books to read before you die, with Cloudstreet.  Number One!!  Out of all the amazing books in this country, the public chose Cloudstreet as their favourite.

ABC First Tuesday Bookclub

I have read every book Tim has ever written, buy all his books as first edition hardbacks plus a paperback when it comes out so I can lend it to people.  Some of my hardbacks are signed by Tim himself - confess that I am a bit of a groupie and go to book readings or signings by him.

Although, the last time I went to a reading (for The Turning) I didn't line up and ask him to sign my book.  He just looked so sad, so out of place, wanting to be away from people and this book selling machine.  He looked like he wanted to be on a beach, or at his kitchen table, writing.  So I went home, and gave him a gift of personal space.

I have loved every single book he has ever written, but my favourite is his latest Breath.  My sons love his books too, something that is tough to do - get boys to read.  I still remember Son#1 hopping about, getting me to read That Eye the Sky after he had read it and wanting to talk to me about it.  Lucky it was a short book, I devoured it in half a day, then Son and I sat and talked and talked.  Now that is something!

I love Tim's style, his (seemingly) easy writing manner, as you read, you feel like you are talking to an old friend.  I get the same feeling of place every time I read his books - I am about 15, everything is exciting.  We go camping on the beach, way down South, with my family, my best friend is there too.  We escape the adults, and at night walk down to the beach where there are some boys with a campfire.  They look a little rough, older, surfies, our hearts race, but we try and be brave/cool.  We sit with them, we talk, they are smoking pot and hand us some, we shake our heads.  I look into the fire, there is a delicious electricity around us, a thrill to be had, yet we don't know why... yet.

This is where Tim's writing always takes me.  On the precipice of discovery, a teenage girl about to fall into the most exciting time of her life.  Fear, mixed with sexual tension and a sense of emerging power.  I wish I had better words to make this scene of time and place come alive.  It will be a good writing exercise I think!

If you haven't already, go discover Tim's work.

I have received the very great honour of being nominated for the Liebster Award from a blogger whom I have great respect and affection for - Jacana - Thank you .. as simple as that.

 

The word “Liebster” apparently has German origins and is reported to mean sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.

The rules for the Liebster Award are as follows:

1. Each person must post 11 facts about themselves.

2. Answer 11 questions the tagger has given you and give 11 questions for the person you tag.

3. Choose 11 people and link them to your post (they must have 200 followers or less)

4. Tell them you have tagged them.

5. Remember, no tag backs.

 

 

11 facts about me ...

1. I love spiders and keep them in certain windows in my house
2. My first school was in the mountains of NSW, with only 1 teacher, 17 children - I was 1 of only 2 girls.
3. I want to be a hippy and live on a commune
4. I am a Taurus but I don't believe is astrology
5. I am allergic to being pregnant - I start vomiting the day I conceive and stop the day I give birth.  I have done this twice but never again.
6. I bought my first house when I was 19.  It was 100 years old.
7. My favorite sandwich is white bread, granny smith apple and salt and vinegar chips.  I first had it aged 8 - made by my best friends mother.
8. I am a drag racing fan - the louder and faster the better.
9. My middle name is Kirsa - I was a child of the 60's - I have no idea what it means but my parents tell me she was a movie star.
10. I have been researching my family tree since 1986 and the furtherest I have gone back is 1510.
11. I love to learn - this consumes me everyday.

 

Jacana's 11 Questions answered:-

Explain a family tradition you have?

We don't really have set traditions - the things we do as a family are pretty fluid.  I guess one is that when we are all finally together we drink gin and tonic and have cheese and biscuits - in the late afternoon - and talk and laugh and love.  I try and bake an apple pie for my sons to wake up to on the morning of their birthday - and they can eat warm apple pie for breakfast.

 

What is the best gift you have ever received?

When I was 11 years old my parents gave me a horse for my birthday, we called him Tullie.  He was to be my best friend for the next 15 years, until we sadly lost him.  I can still remember how excited I was to have my very own horse.  He was a beautiful, gentle soul and I still miss him.

 

Do you have a hobby?

Lots.  So many that I needed to retire 5 years ago to fit them all in - calligraphy, writing, cross stitch, gardening, reading, photography, horse-riding, walking, camping, genealogy.

 

Name 3 items in your handbag or glove box?

1. About 15 pens, pencils, writing implements
2. Journal
3. Spare pair of knickers!

 Can you keep secrets?

No and yes.  When its a good secret, like a present I know the person will love,  I cant keep it a secret.  We always give gifts early in our house as none of us can wait.  If its a secret that will hurt someone, then yes, its a secret I wont share. 

 

As a child what did you want to be when you grew up?

A school teacher.  I used to make my poor little brother sit in a classroom I had made up and make him do school work, even in the school holidays - I was very bossy!

 

How far did you go in the education system?

I completed only 1 year at Uni studying to be a history teacher - then I met Mr K and the WAIT tavern.  The highest completed award is an Advanced Diploma in Business - Real Estate.

 

Have you ever won anything?

The heart of a 18 year old boy, who has been my husband for the last 30 years. 

 

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you choose?

Ireland.  I love the green, the people, the humour and the beauty.  My father has Irish ancestry so I call myself part Irish.  I would live in a house overlooking the ocean and write my novel.

 

EBook or paper book?

Both.  I always buy my favorite authors , like Tim Winton, in hardback, and anything non-fiction is always in paper form.  Anything else I normally buy online to read on my Samsung Galaxy.

 

Which famous person (living or dead) would you like to sit next to at a dinner party? 

Only one?  Jimmy Page - even now with white hair.  I would love to talk to him about being a musician in the 60's/70's, about Alister Crawley, about all those rumours with groupies.  If he flirted with me, all the better :-)

 

 

The 11 bloggers I tag are (some have been tagged before):

 

Life at the Coop

Twenty5seven

Hillbarn

I opened mymouth and it ran away without me

le Love

Silver threads of happiness

Rural dreaming

Ridgeway farm

Take shape fitness

Yakatey yak

Jarrah jungle

 

 

11 questions for my tagged bloggers

1. What is your favorite season?
2. What animal would you most like to be?
3. What is your favorite sandwich
4. How far back is your first memory
5. Did you ever think you loved a rock star/movie star and who was it?
6. Describe your ideal holiday
7. Do you chop the heads off a boiled egg, or crack and peel off the shell?
8. What kind of car do you drive and if its not your dream car, what is?
9. Who is your favorite Author?
10. What made you start blogging?
11. Would you jump out of a plane?

I hope I played the game right :-)