Futility of Ignoring

I woke early this morning.  Wasn't planned.  I normally wake at 4.30am, get up, do-you-know-what, and try and go back to sleep for a few more hours.  It sometimes takes me ages to go back to sleep, my mind going a million miles a minute, thinking WAY too much about WAY too many things.  I catch myself sometimes, telling me off for thinking so much.  I just want an OFF button for my brain.  I tried to do a little meditation but back came thoughts of work, the property, this house, my relationships.  Gee its hard to empty it all and think of black spaces.  Maybe I will try and get a meditation on my phone to plug into.

This morning, my head won, I was wide awake.  I don't think having a nasty cough helps either, tends to keep you awake.  So after an hour I got up. 

Who do you think you are taking my photo?

Which woke the cat and he started the usual routine of meowing until I fed him.  Doesn't his stomach know that it was two hours early?  There is no point at all in ignoring him, he has the art of persistence down to a fine art.  Besides, he is an old cat of 13 and my routine is put the kettle on, feed the cat.  The kettle was on so the next logical step was feed the cat.  He has gone back to (my) bed now, curled up in cat bliss.  I need to learn how to sleep like cats!

But another little animal had its routine changed too.  My little Minty Mups lost her source of warmth when I got out for bed and she will NOT lower herself to snuggle up with the cat, despite the cats best efforts to be bedfriends.  Might be something to do with the cats sense of humour when he lays in the hallway and ambushes a poor little blind dog.  I think I might hold a grudge at that also.  So Mups let me know she too was ready (reluctantly) to get out of bed.  Being blind, she can't see to jump off the bed, so she has a little bark to let her human know to come and lift her down.  If you don't jump when she barks, the bark becomes a yap.  Don't ever ignore a little dogs yap! She is a bed hopper; if she was human we would call her a host of other names, but as a dog she just gets into any bed with a human in it.  As I write this, she has hopped onto the lounge with Mr Kirsa and is tucked up nice and warm. 

Just becasue I am blind doesn't mean I dont see that camera in your hand.  I havent had time to do my hair  yet!

Then there is Tom Dog.  Its dark outside, he too should be still in his bed.  But the slightest movement inside the house and his antics begin.  He yips and yaps to try and get our attention.  When we try and ignore that behaviour, he ups the ante and jumps at the door.  Each jump gets more violent.  Its very hard to just ignore it - we keep the mantra with this dog - ignore the bad behaviour, reward the good.  While we still are (trying to) ignore him, he runs around to the cat door and yips through that.  Its so hard to ignore him, he gets louder and louder, more and more determined to get our attention.  When he finally is quiet, I then go out and we have a cuddle and a chat.  He is so excited, but trys to stay still (fails) and calm (also fails).  But we have a nice little time, and he soon settles down.  As much as I would love it, I cant stay here all day, but have to distract him so I can sneak off.  Sometimes a chew stick works, other times the cat wanders out and distracts him.

The cat has learnt the 'Ignore' technique.  He also perfects the 'Ignore with Disdain' movement - this is only for Cats and Professionals

This morning, despite the early hour and darkness, Tom is more than usual demanding.  Mr Kirsa goes out for a smoke and they have their cuddle.  But on his return inside, the performance resumes.  Ignore.  Ignore.  Ignore.  Its so very hard to ignore a large border collie throwing himself at the door.  I wait for the performance to stop so I can go out and give him some attention.  I sit on his 'bed' - our outdoor couch that he has claimed, and when he has dropped nicely he gets a cuddle.  He is so very sweet, its hard to be cross with him.  He just loves attention and humans talking to him.  When we are in the garden, or out at WG, he stays by your side, watching intently every little thing you do.  When I plant seedlings in the garden, he watches and then tries to dig holes for me with his nose.  He is a dog that needs to be with you all day long, and just loves that interaction.  Very Hard to Ignore!

Its all lies what she says about me - look at my face - I would never do the things she says!

Working from home?

I don't know why this didn't occur to me sooner as now I have thought about it a huge black cloud has lifted from around my head.  I have a little more energy and zip and actually feel something.  A little voice has been niggling away at me, that we went into this business so we could have a better lifestyle.  And at first this was true.  We both worked from home, there was a LOT less stress, we could take a day off together if we wanted to.  We ate better, were far healthier and a hell of a lot happier.  Now we are both stressed, both unhappy, both terribly unhealthy and unfit.  We spend way too much money on junk food and junk .. a symptom of being unhappy.  I would make this sacrifice IF we were making money that would one day buy me a better lifestyle.  BUT the reality is that we don't and in fact have gone backwards and have more debt .. so to me, it's a no brainer. The other half of the partnership is not willing to do anything other than what he is doing, so my only option is to change what I am doing.  In the absence of being able to move to Dream Property .. this could be a good alternative.  At least I might be able to save my health and sanity.


In fairness I will do the old pro and con list and see if I can compromise on the cons to make this a reality.  But first, what will it take?

Requirements

• PC with terminal server working PROPERLY
• Documents Scanner so that I can scan and archive all invoices etc - we were going to have to start doing this anyway.
• Printer
• VOIP phone - connected properly.
• Office in a separate room with a desk and bookcases/returns for printer/scanner - old guest room
• Need to go into the office one day a week to get invoices, mail, touch base with staff etc.
• Office Chair - one that is supportive and better for my back

Pros

1. I can work just as effectively at home than I can in the office
2. Stop being distracted (and stressed) by the goings on in the service area
3. Can hand over jobs that are not related to accounts and have the correct people dealing with them i.e RA's, stock issues, domains, staff issues
4. Will see sunshine and daylight instead of doom and gloom in a basement
5. Will be home in afternoons to make healthy and cost saving meals
6. Will be home to keep doggies company
7. Have time to do some meditation and exercise to combat pain from stress
8. Will be better for K and I to have some time apart
9. Wont feel so frustrated when I am expected to be a partner but in reality have no voice
10. Wont have to go to and from work in a smoky car
11. Can work my own hours - get up early and start work early so I can leave work early and do things that feed my soul.
12. One day a week in the office is plenty to collect post, invoices, stay in touch with staff.
13. Stop being the 'go to' person for staffs little problems that if left alone they can (and will have to) work out for themselves.
14. Will have time to keep the house tidy and organised and therefore much more relaxing to be in.
15. Won't have to spend money on a cleaner, so many clothes, lunches.
16. Won't be tempted to eat naughty things like chocolate and chips as I wont be close to shops.
17. K's life will be better - he will go to work in an ironed shirt, come home to a cooked meal.
18. Will be able to work in a much nicer and 'girly' environment that is better for my work style.

Cons

1. Won't be in the office everyday to deal with problems that come up - but I will be only a phone call/email away.
2. Will lose the daily contact with staff - may be a good thing to be less involved and they may feel better
3. Won't get a good cup of coffee everyday! - oh well, will have to buy some good tea.
4. May get too isolated and become a hermit - Oh I wish!
5. Will leave SB being the only female! - she will love it.

It's a no brainer huh?

Colds/Flus that force you to rest

A Sunday sleep-in is not really a proper sleep-in when you are unwell.  It kinda takes the indulgence out of staying in bed longer than is proper.  But when you are sick, it is a formal permisison to stay in bed a little longer.  It doesn't feel as wicked or forbidden and therefore it lacks the thrill.  Mr Kirsa bought me coffee in bed which was most welcome, but try as I might, I could not go back to sleep or even to languish in Sunday morning freedom.

The next best place to be was on the lounge, remote in hand, blanket a-la school holidays and early birds and a weeks worth of taped gardening and home shows to watch.  And that's pretty much where I stayed all day.  Mr Kirsa went to a military swap meet (that will end in more junk collectibles to find a home for).

I had promised the doggies that I would make them their favorite dinner, and promised myself a vegetable soup - so despite still feeling like death, I kept my promises.  While I was sweating over the stove, I kept a promise that I didn't make and made Mr Kirsa his favorite rice cream.

I don't know how, but the dogs know when I am doing a batch of their dinner.  It really is not much different to a savory mince but they get so excited when I start to cook.  Its a big pot full of mince, plus any meat in the fridge that is past its used by date.  So it could be bacon, chicken, sausages, or if they are lucky, prime steak!  I blitz it all up in the food processor and tip this into the browning mince.  Then its a clean out the vegetable crisper moment.  Any vegetables not quite at their best get blitzed, along with potatoes, garlic, parsley and any frozen vegies that are a little stale.  Add one cup of rice and water and simmer for an hour.  Then I fill old Chinese containers and let it cool before putting into the freezer.  They get their dinner that night, its fresh and warm and they go nuts for it.  Lasts about 2 weeks and costs very little, plus I feel good that I have put food normally wasted to good use. 

The garlic is a natural pest control, especially worms.  Parsley is good for doggy breath and all canines need vegetables and rice.  Our vet endorses this diet, as a supplement to a good dry biscuit.  But the best reward is how excited they get when I feed them this.  Tom Dog wont eat his biscuits if he doesn't have a topping of this on top. 

I feel good knowing I have a weeks supply in the freezer now, it was worth the effort.  Vege soup worked for me too, feel better for it.  And we have leftovers for tomorrow's dinner.  Its a family recipe handed down and refined from my Grandmother to my Mother and then to me.  I have taught both my sons but they prefer to turn up on the doorstep when I make it.  As one of them did tonight!

Have a Special Visiter Today

Despite waking with a killer cold (on a damn Saturday damnit!), I got a message that propelled me out of bed, got me taking more 'soldier on' drugs and head out to WG.  My bestie, Strawb was coming for her first ever visit to see my beautiful property.  I have been dying to show her round our place, describing it to her as 'the perfect camping spot'.  She is my favorite camping buddy and we share the same love of finding that ideal place to make camp.  But despite owning WG for over 2 years now, we had never been able to match up a visit.

View to the Stables

Today was the day!  Strawb came along with my #2 Mum and her new puppy, the very sweet Willow.  Sadly Tom Dog did not share our views of little Willow and wanted to show her who the top dog was.  He can be such a bully.  We took everyone on a tour of the property hoping that Tom Dog (who was now on a leash and under the control of his Dad) would relax and think twice about being mean to Willow.  We just did what every good parent should do, we ignored the bad behaviour and rewarded the good.  They settled into a kind of stand off eventually.

Strawb and I on one of our Camping Jaunts

Strawb and Mrs C rolled up their sleeves and helped clear the driveway ready for the mower to run down there.  It wasn't long before we had it all cleared up and worked up a good appetite for some snags on the BBQ.  Each job we get done, the place looks better and better.  The jacarandas are looking better, and when the grass gets mown beneath them it will look like the place is loved.  At this point I had a major wardrobe malfunction - bent over and split my pants big time!  Teach me for letting my rear end get so big.  Did the ole tie a jumper around my waist to hide it, but I was fooling no-one. 

My cold was making me feel pretty ordinary, so it was a welcome break to get the BBQ going and have a not yet earned, but very welcome pear cider.  We now have two more converts to the PEAR CIDER fan club and another debate on where the name Rekorderlig comes from.  I always thought it sounded a bit like an IKEA bookcase, and it seems I wasn't far off!  Vimmerby, Sweden is the birth place, which is very close to where IKEA was founded.  The pear is my favorite, but the other flavours are not too shabby.

Probably wasn't a good idea however, having a cider in the middle of a hot day, all we wanted to do afterwards was have a nice little nap under the shade of one of the beautiful gum trees we have growing.  Strawb, Mrs C and darling Willow made their farewells (Willow could not jump into the back of the XTrail quick enough!) and left Mr Kirsa and I to potter about the rest of the afternoon.  It was hot, (are we sure this is Autumn?) and I did feel very drained.  So just put myself in low range and slowly raked leaves, filled the trailer with dead branches and prunings.  Had a little sit down, then a bit more raking and pushed the trailer to the bonfire heap.  It took me all afternoon to get done a job that would normally take just a few hours, but it was better than nothing.

Respite arrived in the late afternoon in the form of our wonderful and fun neighbours.  They love a good sundowner on the veranda and when we work out the property it becomes a daily treat.  They had been working hard all day too, pruning, moving mulch, keeping fit.  Its so very peaceful and pretty siting on the veranda as the sun goes down, the red-tailed cockatoos heading home, the pink and grey galahs coming in for a drink and a play, the maggies chortling and fossicking about in the newly mowed grass.  Its the closest we get to being camped way up north.  All this only 16kms from the CBD. 

Early morning on the veranda, looking towards the pool

Makes me want to move here even more, this few weeks I am just putting out of my mind that we have to relet this property.  It truly breaks my heart. Hoping for a miracle - or at least a lotto win.

And here is the cold!

After the week/s that was I have been waiting on my body to show the signs of stress and here it is ... a cold.  I should have guessed it would be today, after all it is Friday 13^th!

It’s never a good time to have a cold, but I guess it is your bodies way of saying “hey, I have had enough of what you have dragged me through and I need a few days in bed resting”.  So I am sitting at my desk, medicating myself with Codral, Butter Menthols and Eucalyptus 3 Ply Tissues.  My head hurts, my nose is running, my throat is sore and I feel hot.  Can’t concentrate on any work, so am playing about blogging and Pinteresting.  Just want to go home and crawl into bed. 

I know a little doggie that will love having a sick person in the house.  She loves being in bed with a human hot water bottle.  She is a very good recovery companion.

Where we are at now

While I wait for Mr Kirsa to make me a cup of tea, I will give a run down of where the drama's have left us.  (yes he takes THAT long to make tea!)

Lease at WG

We have now reached an agreement with the tenants to end the lease, releasing us both from it.  They have signed over the full bond to us and the girls father has very generously paid all outstanding rent.  We have had an exceptional outcome and avoided the court process which is a huge blessing.  I hope the two young tenants have learnt a valuable lesson over all this, and hope too they recognise when people are trying to help them.  So we have rent paid and enough money from the bond to repair the major damages like the pool, ride on mower, flyscreens, cleaning inside, replacing fence rails.  Certainly a great result for what could have been a financial disaster.  I wont ask for any more lotto wins!

Note .. just received my 'tea' .. it tastes very much like coffee .. sigh

WG and the state of it

We went out on the Saturday and Sunday to assess the damage and make a list of all the work to be done.  The pool was in such a state that it had to be pumped out, pressure cleaned and refilled.  Had to also evict a family of Maned Geese ( I think they are also called the Australian Wood Ducks?  Mum?)  who had moved in.  Went around and made a big long list of all the jobs to do.  Put the word out that we needed some help this time.  There was 10 days work to do in only 4 days of Easter - we could not take a week off work like we did last time.  I was heartened to get so many people offer their help - for the physical help they offered and the emotional boost it gave us.

The Easter weekend came around, we had the pool guy come and start pumping out on the Friday.  While I started cleaning out the stables, Kim cleaned off the roof (so many branches and leaves).  We cleaned off all the duck droppings around the pool, and cleared out all the rubbish from the sheds and around the paddocks, stacked into a pile on the lawn.



Kim Blower Vaccing the roof, Tommy marking his territory (he did that to EVERY post .. thats about 400!)  This is before the mowing was done.  My beautiful white fences stood up really well.

Saturday was an early start.  We arranged breakfasts, morning teas, lunch and lots of drinks for the workers.  By 10am most volunteers had turned up and the place was a buzz of activity!  Chainsawing, Whipper Snippering, raking, moving junk on the Ute to the rubbish collection on the road verge.  Sweeping, weeding, stacking up the bonfire pile with branches and trimmings.  The compost bays once empty, were filled with grass, leaves, manure - very exciting!  It was a hot day, but with so many hard working people, an awful lot got done.  By the end of the day, we were very tired but so glad by all that was achieved.

We had planned on a sausage sizzle in the evening, but most people had left to pursue other things!  So it was a very pleasant evening spent with Cam and Abby, Julie and Mark from across the road and a BBQ, snags and a few well earned drinks.  I went to bed that night very tired and very content.

Flooded showroom

So in the midst of all the WG drama, the gods throw in a bit of a red herring.  They thought it would be a laugh to burst a water main in Hay Street, spewing litres and litres of water into the air and into our basement.  We got the call from one of our techs Sunday lunchtime ... and yes it was Aprils Fool Day.  When we arrived at the office, the insurance assessors for the water corp were there and they came and had a good look. Rescuing what we could off the floor, we then had a very long wait for the initial water removal by the contractors.  Uncle James was our sanity saver and arrived with Gin and some company.  There was no point in being anything but resolved at this point, not much we could do but save what we could.  Its all insured. 

Monday, and the insurers send in big fans and dehumidifiers and the dry out process began.  It took 7 days to dry out the carpets and at this stage it has done a very good job.  There is no musty smell and the carpets are bone dry.  They will come in this weekend to clean the carpets and deodorise them.  We have lost only about $2000 worth of stock and water damage to 3 or 4 display shelves. 

Again, very lucky.

Ash

The Monday that I should have been sorting out a flooded office, I was in hospital all day with our Ash.  He was having an operation to correct his deviated septum, not a very comfortable procedure but one that we hope will help his sleep problems.  Although he was at the private hospital Mercy in Mount Lawley, I had little faith in the nursing there to leave him alone.  I found from my own experiences there, that you need to watch your care very carefully and not have faith that you will get a good nurse.  He was a little scared too, so of course I would be there as long as he needed me.  It was really nice actually, we got to have some good talks especially when he came back from surgery and he was a little gone on the pain killers.  No matter how old they are, they are still your babies.

His sexy socks and gown!

He is recovering really well and he should see some difference to his breathing in another week or so. 

Finances

Have just done the first quarter review for the finances and KPI's.  Its looking OK, but March was a very big month with projects and sales - it has pushed up the profit but its an anomaly.  The trick now it to repeat this next quarter.

Maybe I do need to ask for the lotto numbers to come up after all.

Love these short weeks

Its Thursday already, so just 2 days work and its back to the weekend.  Going back out to WG to tidy up some more and to have some quality time there.  I just love being there, I escape into a fantasy world where we are actually living there. 

I have such plans.

The chicken pen needs an overhaul, the wire needs to be buried deeper and I want to put corrugated iron dug in at the base to stop foxes and dogs getting to my girls.  The grape vine growing over it needs some TLC, pruning and the base built up so its protected.  Paint the chook house and get some better perches.  Plant herbs/flowers around the edges to make it softer and greener.  Research herbs that the girls will like.

Hen House as it is now.

The vege garden needs to be moved from where it is now.  Its right in the way of the horse prep area.  I want a wash down bay here.  We already have put in the hot and cold water ready for this.  Will move the vege garden over next to the chook pen and orchard and compost bays.  I have lots of wonderful old sleepers so can make a few raised beds and get Kim to irrigate them all. 

View of raised vege bed, dressage arena in background.

View between vege garden and chook pen - all before the clean up!

So, that's eggs and vegies all sorted.  And this is all just in a tiny corner of the whole property.  So many plans ...

Well off to work now to earn some money so that all the dreams above become closer.  I loved feeling all my aches this week, it was a nice muscular pain, good to know that my body was working and getting fitter.  Kim and I both need this exercise.  I hate running on a treadmill when I could be raking up leaves.  I hate lifting weights in an airless gym when I could be moving rocks for a garden bed.  I hate stepping on a stairmaster when I could be shovelling compost and manure into a vege bed.

Iceberg Rose

I was watering this morning (its going to be 34 degrees in Perth today .. April!) and my poor little Iceberg Rose is looking very sad.  Its completely in the wrong place for a rose, in mostly shade, in a pot, next to the dogs runway and peep hole with the neighbours dog so it gets used as a bravery barrier between Tom Dog and Buster. 

But, she keeps living, despite the hardships and every now and again she puts out a few white flowers.

Today I felt just like her.  I am in the wrong place, doing the wrong things, and having stress's thrown on me that makes life hard.  But I know that I have to keep flowering every now and again.

This is not a pity party, just a statement of fact - and a way to try and find answers to change the situation. 

I will move Ms Iceberg to a sunnier and more protected place and see how she thrives.  This will give me hope that when I can move, I too will thrive.

Isn't gardening grand!  :-)

Wow, what a week!

So its been 8 days since I last wrote.  And it seems like a lifetime of things have happened since then.  I am feeling really exhausted tonight so I will just give a summary of the events and come back during the week to flesh out the details.

1. Friday 30th March - we get a phone call early in the morning from our wonderful neighbours at Wattle Grove to say there was a removal truck where our tenants used to be.
2. Sunday 1 April ... yes April Fools Day ... while we are out assessing the damage that the tenants left behind, we get a call to say a burst water main has flooded our office.
3. Monday 2nd April - At the hospital at 6-30am with Ash as he has a scheduled operation.
4. Tuesday and Wednesday - Home with Ash and playing nurse and Mum.
5. Thursday - cramming a whole weeks worth of work into one day.
6. Easter Friday - the clean up at Wattle Grove begins
7. Easter Saturday - My faith in human nature is restored when friends and family come in droves and roll up their sleeves and work all day.
8. Easter Sunday - a day when I just want to stop and just be .. we have to deal with staff issues. 
9. Easter Monday - back out to WG, but this time just Kim and I and Cam and Abby.  Oh, and the doggies.  It was a good mop up day, still some hard work to do, but its now all manageable.

So there is the summary, you can see why I feel a tad overwhelmed! Of to have some dinner and a good nights sleep.

12 Months ago this was a brand new pool!

And the sun came up today!

I wasn't expecting it to :-)  Well that's just a tad drama queen (you think!) but hey, a girl has to let the queen out every now and again.

Fresh start today.  Still very sad and broken hearted ... but I am not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself.  So I baked healthy muffins for my sons girlfriend and her study buddies.  They have just started their Masters year and are working really hard.  A mid morning break with carrot and apple and nut muffins will give them some brain power.

And I am about to go out to my favorite plant nursery and buy a rose for a good friend who this week had to have her cat put to sleep.  She asked me not to talk about it or say anything while she was at work (we also work together) so I respected that.  But now its time for her to see a little sunshine and know that people care. 

Then, when I get back, I am going to write out a plan of attack.

And put up a notice asking for help.

Will write again soon with the outcomes.