Sunday, November 4, 2012


Who the hell looks this happy at the dentists? 

Had the extreme pleasure of attending my six monthly dental check-up recently. Of course I was looking forward to it very much, having saved the date on my calendar for months now, after I got the very welcome invite in the mail. I get a lovely phone call, from the lovely Carmel to remind me of the coming date. It’s all such a pleasant and happy occasion; I wished it came around sooner than twice a year.

The Reality

I Hate going to the dentist. I know I have to, but seriously, I would rather a pap smear than a dental check-up. Something just nasty and evil about all that white and metal and blinding smiles of the Dental Hygienist, that’s all of 23! The only good part is the very end when she hands you a brand new toothbrush, travel size toothpaste and floss - wonder if that’s what dentist’s kids get instead of a show bag? Poor little tykes.
Open ride ...

So, while I was laying there, captive and prone, with metal sticks and a hose, a suction thingy and buzzing, grinding things in my mouth - I thought that the whole dental industry needs a giant overhaul in their PR and marketing. It was also a way to calm my nerves - my dear Chinese dentist lady taught me how to use the mind to travel outside my body so that I left my mouth behind in the chair but my mind and body went on a little trip. Usually I imagine I am on a day bed in Bali, Pina Colada and book in hand. But this time, I thought a little harder and got creative.

If you were offered this service while getting the plague ripped off your teeth would it make it more palatable?

· A foot scrub and massage - your feet are just dangling there out of the way.
· A manicure - you have the time to let the nail polish dry while you lay there in the chair
· To save you using your mind to take you away, what’s wrong with a LCD TV on the ceiling showing Californication on endless loop?
· A scribe to take down notes of all the things you think of while you lay there - like remembering to book your next pap smear, to buy mouth wash, a good blog idea about dentists - who then writes it up and emails it to you
· A way of opening your mouth wide for the very handsome (and obviously rich!) dentist that doesn’t leave you looking like a total dork.

I think I might float this idea with my dentist - but not for another six months!
This isnt a joke!



  1. Bitches with perfect teeth thats who smile!
    I hate the dentist I dread it as well, their reminder postcards are like getting ransom notes in the mail - scary!
    But luckily I have a lovely dentist who knows Im a complete wimp and chats to me the whole time (even though I cant answer without dribbling) to keep my mind off it. She is a god send if there were dentist awards Id nominate her for sure.

  2. I think the pap smear is up there with the dentist, both are best to be avoided whenever possible. When the dentist gives you a going away present of a toothbrush, I wonder if he thinks I don't brush my teeth, as I use an electric toothbrush, I save the freebies for visitors. By about the third pap smear reminder, I go grudgingly. Rae xx

  3. Haha. I have always felt there should be a TV! I also like the pedicure idea. I hate them and would rather do anything else. I do need to go though but each week I keep putting off that phone call....