Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Actual Art Review

Well we established in my last post here that Strawb and I were found out as art frauds.  But after you have read this review of all 14 artists that were part of the Picasso to Warhol : 14 Modern Masters you can be the judge. 
The exhibition is from New York's Museum of Modern Art - and I guess that should have given us a clue ... modern.  One thing to keep in mind here ... they ALL went to Paris to study art.  Does anyone else think junket?  Anyone?  The fact that Montmartre - the Artists Quarter is not very far from The Moulin Rouge is no coincidence <wink>
Henri Matisse
OK, so lets start with this guy.  Now I know he was famous for his use of colours but COME on .. his colouring in technique is pretty awful! I mean, in some parts he has even coloured outside the lines.  I don't think he has even bothered to sharpen his pencils properly.  And I bet he chews the ends.

Goldfish and Sculpture, spring-summer 1912

Constantin Brancusi
OK.  So he carved this in oak.  And left marks from the axe and saw.  And this is version 1 of how many attempts?  Ummm .. sorry dude but I have seen this many times in pioneer houses, their fences, hell even Mr K has been known to do this to a fence post.  I don't know what this one is worth but one of his lesser known 'sculptures' sold for 37.1 million DOLLARS!  Mr K!  Start up the chainsaw, we is going to make us some money ...

Endless Column, version I, 1918

Piet Mondrian
Looks like he was as imaginative with his painting as he was with naming it!  I don't know why, but when I see this I think test pattern.  At least he coloured in inside the lines!
Composition No. II, with Red and Blue1929

Fernand Léger
Now this one, I kind of liked.  I must say though, I can see why these guys were artists and not writers ... they lack any imagination with words.  Woman with a Book?  What about the flowers and the funky necklace?  And the way her hair is swept to one side, and how her face is, well, bored.

Woman with a Book, 1923

Marcel Duchamp
Really?!  This was the best he could come up with?  He didn't even have a broken arm at the time, it was just an advance on one!  This was hanging in the centre of the gallery.  Numbskull's were walking around it in hushed tones, their hand stroking their chins in deep thought!  It's a bloody SHOVEL guys ... sheesh, come look in my garden shed and I will show you a whole range of them.  I will even hang them by fishing line in a decorative way.  For a price!

In Advance of the Broken Arm, August 1964

Giorgio De Chirico

I feel like I have fallen down the rabbit hole and there isn't even a cute fluffy white rabbit or mad hatter to save me.  Oh .. hang on, this might be one of those concentration games.  You have to to memorise whats there and then they take away a few things and you have to recall it.  Pfft, he isn't even trying ... there are only 5 main things there.  And whats 'love' got to do with it?

The Song of Love, Paris, June-July 1914

Joan Miró

Words fail me on this one.  Was the RSPCA informed?

Person Throwing a Stone at a Bird, 1926

Alexander Calder

This was a mobile.  It was inspired by Piet Mondrian.  Seems both artists have the same issues with naming their art.  It looks like a prototype of Gumby and Pokey with a few block heads thrown in.

Untitled, 1939

Louise Bourgeois

I think they now call this Shabby Chic.  Nice use of colour but I don't think my CD's will all fit in there.

Figure, 1954

Jasper Johns

Again, whats with the bad colouring in?  His teacher would be hard pressed to give him a green star for this, let alone a gold one.  When I was at school, we were taught to colour carefully around the land and shade the sea with a soft blue.  And where are the rivers marked?  Calls himself a cartologist!  Then there is the title.  Whats with these lazy gits?  Map?  Of what?  Fail.

Map, 1961

Jackson Pollock

Freeform?  You have got to be kidding?  I have a painting drop sheet that looks better than this. 

Free Form, 1946

Romare Bearden

If you look real close to this, at the top right corner, there is a piece of material that is just like a skirt Strawb once had.  Her Mum has cut that up too to make a quilt.

Patchwork Quilt, 1970

Pablo Picasso

Ok.  Now we are getting to the REALLY famous artists.  It will all get better from here on.  Yes, the colouring in is better, the title is more imaginative, umm ...  was LSD around in 1930?  Maybe it was a warning poster for the dangers of anorexia?

Seated Bather, early 1930

Andy Warhol

And saved the best (or worst) for last! Come on!  Who the hell fell for this?  Lazy git didn't even get out his crayons.  Just ripped labels off soup cans and stuck them on a wall.  Granted, he did find every version of soup that Campbell's made, but if he was a poor struggling artist then he pretty much would have lived off tinned soup.  I have seen playgroup kids do similar stuff and the only acclaim their art gets, is stuck on the fridge with a magnet.

Campbell's Soup Cans, 1962

Well, I hope I have saved you the $19 entry fee to the art gallery to see this tripe.  If you want an outing this weekend, I am holding an exhibition in my shed ... rolling out the painting drop sheet, hanging a few garden tools, carving a fence post or two.  No charge people - free art for the people!

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