Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Grumpy Middle Aged Men - aka Statler and Waldorf

My Friday nights are normally spent with two grumpy old men.  Human, and maybe less hairy versions of the Muppet's below,  but they are every bit as grumpy, jaded, mocking, judgemental as these old boys.

I am not going to name names, lets just called them Mr K and Uncle J.  They know who they are and it doesn't matter as they would never lower themselves to read a 'blog' let alone mine, let alone a trivial women's blog.

This is how a typical Friday night goes (from my POV)
6:30PM - We, as in Mr K and I are still at work.  Uncle J sends a text message to me. 'How thirsty are you on a scale from 1 to 10?'  I am not in a drinking mood.  I am tired, stressed and just want to go home, take off my bra and shoes, put on trackies and slippers, have tinned tomato soup, toast and a book.  I sigh.
6:32PM - I reply 'Me? Only a 3.  Mr K - probably 7'  I can see Mr K from my office, he is opening his 3rd beer and having noisy banter with the staff.
6:33PM - Uncle J replies 'That's a combined score of 10 - on my way over via the bottle shop.  Just ate, so don't worry about dinner for me'
6:59PM - We are now home, I long for some alone time.  I did not for a minute fall for Uncle J's comment that he would not eat.  The man is a bachelor and is always hungry, especially for anything that is not preceded with 'Mc' or 'do you want fries with that?'
7:02PM - The front gate chimes, the dogs bark.  I am halfway out of my shoes.  The bra will have to stay on.
7:05PM - I am in the kitchen, glass of champagne (yes, it was French) just poured.  I scour the fridge and freezer for inspiration.  I have chorizo,wine and rice.  I start to make risotto, sipping at my champagne as Mr K and Uncle J make themselves comfortable on the deck.
7:20PM - I can hear mumblings and garawfs outside as I stir another ladelful of warm stock into the risotto.  The smell of cigar smoke is faint, but familiar. 

7:36PM -  Sprinkling Parmesan and parsley on the risotto, gathering plates and forks and napkins, I move towards the sounds of men and beer.  They are just finishing having a belly laugh at some unisex driver in an Audi who went the wrong way down a one way lane.  There is a metaphor somewhere there.

8:02PM - Risotto is all but gone, I get complimented by Uncle J 'Great you can make food like that without any kitchen noise - I can't stand all that kitchen noise'

8:16PM - I finish my one glass of champers, Uncle J has finished the rest of the bottle.  He asks if I want another drink?  What I really want is to lay on the couch with my old dog and watch lifestyle shows.  He cajoles me into another glass, just so he can justify opening another bottle. 

9:58PM - I have listened to politics, economics, business, programming, guns, survival techniques, knives, young women, more politics, religion, foriegn policy, and finally I have had enough.

10:12PM - I clear the table, stack the dishwasher, make myself a Milo and finally can go to bed and take my bra off.

How are your Friday nights spent?!


  1. Definately with a no bra one haaha. A glass of wine not bubbly as I wouldnt be able to be near a stove after a glass of bubbles. You are a domestic godess my dear, loud and clear :)

    1. Don't know about the domestic godess, maybe lessor deity!

  2. I commend you on cooking on a Friday night. For us Friday night is our compulsory take away night. As soon as we are home it is shorts and singlets on the couch with a few drinks until we doze off in front of the telly around 9pm from a week of being overworked

    1. Feeding the Grumpy Old Men with homecooked food seems to put them to sleep faster than takeaway!

  3. I have to commend Uncle J on his "that makes a combined score of 10" very clever! He sounds a little bit like Sir Toby from Twelfth Night, except maybe not as jovial. Friday nights for me are about cramming in housework to have a lazier Saturday or lots of wine and a DVD. The Mister works Saturdays and Fridays are my busiest day so Friday nights are never a big one for us, usually asleep by 10pm